Interview with a Dog is an occasional series in which Shore Dog Walkers sits down to learn more about a dog’s life.
In this interview we sat down with Mookie from Monmouth Beach. Mookie is a surprisingly intelligent and considerate “teenaged” dog despite a reputation that is reminiscent of the John Belushi character, “Bluto” in the cafeteria scene of the movie Animal House.
Shore Dog Walkers: Hello Mookie, how was your weekend?
Mookie: I had a nice weekend. Do you have any snacks?
Shore Dog Walkers: Thank you. Please tell the readers what kind of dog you are and then we can talk about snacks.
Mookie: I am a Bernese Mountain Dog. As you can see, I have the distinct tricolor markings of the breed; black, white and rust.
Mookie continued, without prompting, with a surprisingly informative description of his lineage.
Mookie (continued): My breed originated among the shepherds and dairy farmers in the Swiss Alps. As one can see from my large physique, I am very strong, and my ancestors were traditionally used to pull dairy carts across the steep Alpine pastures. “Bernese” is derived from the Swiss Canton of “Bern”.
Shore Dog Walkers: Boy, you really know your breed history Mookie. Is your breed also known for gluttony?
Mookie: Yes, we are famous for “gluttoning” all over the world and have won many awards for excellence in gluttony.
What does gluttony mean?
Shore Dog Walkers: A glutton is someone, or some dog, who gorges himself with food.
Mookie was very taken aback when I told him what a glutton is, and he tried to backtrack.
Mookie: I thought “glutton” meant something else, I take back what I said, Bernese Mountain Dogs are not gluttons.
Shore Dog Walkers: Do you wish you could swallow your words?
Mookie: Yes.
Shore Dog Walkers: Like a gluttonous dog swallows a child’s sock?
Mookie got really flustered with my last question, so I quickly told him I was kidding and changed the subject.
Shore Dog Walkers: Remember that day last Spring when we saw a seal sunning itself on the beach in front of Driftwood?
Mookie: The ocean dog?
Shore Dog Walkers: Yes, the ocean dog. It’s called a seal. I thought you would have been a little more curious. I held your leash extra tight so you would not get too close but you were not all that interested.
Mookie: He did not seem all that friendly, so I gave that fat lazy ocean dog lots of space.
Shore Dog Walkers: It’s called a seal.
Mookie: Whatever, he could barely move. He looked like a couch cushion with teeth.
Shore Dog Walkers: He couldn’t steal your tennis ball if I dropped it 6 inches in front of his face.
We both laughed at the idea of an “ocean dog” out running Mookie.
Mookie: I would hate to be an ocean dog. How do they even eat out of a bowl?
Shore Dog Walkers: They don’t eat out of bowl. They are very fast swimmers when they get into the ocean and catch their own fish with their mouths.
Mookie: They catch fish with their mouths?
Shore Dog Walkers: Yes, but the fish they eat are fresh.
They won’t just try to eat an old sun-cooked dead bunker they happen to stumble upon while walking on the path between the basketball courts and the river; making the dog walker pry open their mouth and yanking out the stinky, saliva-covered fish. Only a glutton would do that.
Mookie: Yes. That would be disgusting. Can this interview be over now?
Shore Dog Walkers: We’re done.